Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
