Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
