false alarm. still invincible.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
