I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
