Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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