Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
