My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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