His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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