Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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