Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
third nipple confirmed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
