Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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