i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
