i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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