youre lurking in front of me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
