Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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