JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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