me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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