Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
