People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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