I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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