he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
