How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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