The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
