Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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