God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
