that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
