Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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