No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
