Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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