franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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