Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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