I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
