dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
