if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
