I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
