Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
