Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.