What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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