My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Be still, my beating vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking