Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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