I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Randomize
