Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This baby is an asshole
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
