I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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