Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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