Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
