im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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