he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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