My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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