Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
