He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
