Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
