I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
