Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I could make wine with my vomit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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