We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
