Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't deserve a penis
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
