hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
