Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
