Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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