You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
