If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
