Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
