Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
