We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
