If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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