I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i think my cat just said my name.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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