I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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