I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
