when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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