All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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