Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
