dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
