Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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