Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
