Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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