there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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