Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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