Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
