Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
