That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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