I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
