I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she looked like the before picture.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
