I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
