ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
