He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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