I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
