Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He felt like a one man threesome
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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